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Terrified spouse

Discussion in 'Hip Replacement Pre-Op Area' started by Mrs. Vexil, Oct 24, 2017.

  1. Mrs. Vexil

    Mrs. Vexil
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    Hello all, my surgery date is in less than two weeks. Urged my husband to read the materials the med center sent me, before my pre-op appt. and class this Thursday so if he has any questions I can ask them then. He finally told me he's not going to read the materials because it will just worry him more. He is way freaked about anything that could go wrong and finds the recovery rules and time daunting. Though I will have other people around to help some, he is going to be my primary caretaker and I really was expecting better from him. Anyone else going through this?
     
  2. kattyaz

    kattyaz

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    I am sorry to hear your husband wants to remain uninformed. I will have to say my husband did not read the information but I made sure to tell him the important things several times so he was aware. He is amazed at my surgery success and is making sure I elevate and ice correctly, walk straight with my walker, and use the pillows correctly to keep my legs in the correct position while sleeping on my back. Those are all pluses! I believe if you dwell on the things that can go wrong instead of all the positive more likely outcomes it casts a shadow over the procedure. I wish you luck and hope he comes around.
     
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  3. Irish Joe

    Irish Joe FORUM ADVISOR Forum Advisor

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    Us men are great.
    We can talk all day about rubbish. Sport, the Weather, Work, Women.
    But sometimes when it comes to the serious stuff we bury our heads up to our shoulders in the sand.
    Sounds though that he cares for you a lot and that's a good start.
    The important thing really is that you are ready and it sounds as though you are.
    He'll be there on the Journey I'm sure.
    Best Wishes for the Op.
    Joe.......
     
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  4. Pumpkln

    Pumpkln FORUM ADVISOR Forum Advisor

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    My husband never read anything for my TKR, and he did just fine supporting and helping during my recovery.
    Keep yourself informed so you can instruct him how to elevate etc.
    Elevation: the do's and dont's

    Here is some pre op information about your upcoming THR.

    If you are at the stage where you are planning to have surgery but are looking for information so you can be better prepared for what is to come, take a look at these links:
    Recovery Aids: A comprehensive list for hospital and home
    Recliner Chairs: Things you need to know if buying one for your recovery
    Pre-Op Interviews: What's involved?
    Longevity of implants and revisions: How long will my new joint last?
    Score chart: how bad is my arthritic hip/knee

    And if you want to picture what your life might be like with a replaced hip, take a look at the posts and threads from other BoneSmarties provided in this link:
    Stories of amazing hip recoveries
     
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  5. GrannyC

    GrannyC

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    I personally think that he is probably just very concerned and worried. If you can maintain a positive attitude and prepare yourself, I think everything will go just fine. I don't think my husband read much of anything ahead of time but I read lots, especially here on the forum. I read preop posts and lots of recovery threads so I knew what people had gone through and that helped prepare me to be ready for different scenarios if they arose. Once I came home, my husband was fine, although a bit over concerned at times that maybe I was doing too much. I didn't overdo at any time but he was just worried and probably thought I should just stay on the couch. :heehee: I have read other threads where people had this same concern but as far as I know, all of them ended with positive results and I'm sure yours will be the same.

    We here on BS are here and will be watching for you to post on the recovery thread once you feel up to it. We can also be cheerleaders for you if need be but I think you'll make out just fine. If you come up with any questions now or during recovery, there is always someone around who can help. Sending positive thoughts your way :flwrysmile:
     
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  6. 1hipwonder

    1hipwonder

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    I don’t have a partner, but I did notice before my op that friends and colleagues seemed more scared about my recovery and about what might go wrong than I was.

    It’s always worrying when a loved one goes through major surgery and I think it must be unsettling to think of that person not being themself for a while.

    The first thing I’d say is that your recovery will probably even surprise you! You’ll find you can do more than you’d expect and you’ll get stronger and more able day by day. Once your husband sees that you’re still able to do many things yourself and that you’re not completely incapacitated (even with all the hip precautions etc) - perhaps that will take away many of his anxieties.

    Hope all goes well. You’ll be on the road to recovery in no time!
     
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  7. Mrs. Vexil

    Mrs. Vexil
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    Thanks all, yes my two main caretakers (husband and sister) are very emotional people and are increasingly getting more and more wound up. At this point all I can do is manage my own nerves. All I can hope is that I DO have a healthy positive attitude and am not in deep denial about everything that awaits me! kidding.
     
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  8. Josephine

    Josephine FORUM ADMIN, DIRECTOR Administrator

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    You know, you just reminded me, @1hipwonder! I had people saying that before my first knee and actually found myself listening to them! The I had a burst of common sense and thought "what the heck do they know?"!
     
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  9. Layla

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    Tell them that if they really have your best interest at heart to try and be strong
    encouragers for YOU. It's about you right now, not them.
    You'll have enough to deal with in your recovery. You don't need to worry about your husband and sister.

    You are not in deep denial. You'll do just fine. Surgery will soon be behind you and you'll
    be home and on the road to recovery. Recovery moves way more quickly than you can imagine.
    Your husband and sister will be surprised. I feel for you in trying to manage your own emotions
    about going into a major surgery and dealing with their anxiety in addition.
    I'd ask them politely to keep their anxiety to themselves. What you need now is possitivity.

    So....stop by often for a dose:
    You're fine.
    You're going to do well.
    The worst is almost behind you.
    You will soon be in recovery losing any pain you've suffered.
    Your second chance is fast approaching.
    I'm excited and happy for you!
    Sending a warm hug your way.....
    @Mrs. Vexil
     
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    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
  10. Mojo333

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    Agree with Layla. Tell them I'm the one getting this done so quit stressing me out!:gaah:
     
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  11. Miggie

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    Welcome @Mrs. Vexil. My husband didn't do any reading either, he did go to the joint class at the hospital with me. I think he is just concerned for you and will come around once he sees how well you do post op. I agree with Layla, it's about you right now and ask him to remember that. All will go well and soon you will be pain free. Will be waiting for you on the recovery side. Know that everyone is here to support you. Hugs.
     
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  12. 1hipwonder

    1hipwonder

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    I thought you might like to hear about my experience this evening... I went along to a meeting of a group I’m involved in. A few people there were aware I was having a THR and clearly weren’t expecting me to turn up after only 8 weeks and - what’s more - to turn up looking healthy and walking without any crutches! :eyebrows: Their astonished reactions gave me a great deal of amusement! One or two other people overheard the conversations and asked me when I’d had my surgery then commented that they’d never have known because I look so well! It just goes to show that other people’s fears and expectations bear very little resemblance to reality. Also, I hope this will reassure you that you’ll be back up and about and enjoying life in just a few more weeks (and what’s more, you’ll be free of that horrible hip pain - I promise you that’s great!)

    Keep focused on a mobile and pain-free future and don’t let other people’s fears get to you. You’ll be just fine!
     
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  13. weezie

    weezie

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    Don't be scared! It is completely normal, I have my left hip replaced October 4, 2017...was the best thing I did for myself and sanity.... no more arthritic hip pain....and so far the recovery has been good! Once you get to that point, do the exercise, and slow and steady....rooting for you!!
     
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  14. GrannyC

    GrannyC

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    We are all here for you and will be after your surgery, too. For now you need to just think about yourself and what you need to get ready for yourself. As the others above have said, you are the one with the surgery and you know the worriers (husband and sister) will be there for you when you are ready to go home. We'll all be here for you as well so please stop by as soon as you feel up to it. You'll do great!!!!!!!
     
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  15. Layla

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    Hi @Mrs. Vexil
    Well.....your big day has arrived. It's now your turn to take back your life.
    I'm happy and excited for you! Will watch for your recovery thread.
    Sending warm wishes and a healing hug your way....
     
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  16. Mojo333

    Mojo333 FORUM ADVISOR Forum Advisor

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    @Mrs. Vexil How are things with you?
    Hope your recovery has been smooth...
     
  17. Mrs. Vexil

    Mrs. Vexil
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    Hello! Four weeks and two days since the surgery. Terrified spouse is now overprotective spouse. But he's gradually easing off. Getting around with a cane as needed, but mostly don't need it around the house. I slept really well the first three weeks after surgery, I suppose the post surgery fatigue and oxycontin helped, but now my normal insomnia is returning. not happy about that. Overall I'm doing well, and plan to go back to work maybe the week after Christmas when the office is slow anyway and I can ease back in.
     
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  18. Layla

    Layla FORUM ADVISOR Forum Advisor

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    Wonderful post! You sound well and thriving.
    It will get better and better :happydance:
    Best wishes for a great weekend.
    @Mrs. Vexil
     

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